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THE ROAST OF
YOU

The ultimate wrap of your life. Get shareable monthly mini-roasts to track your vibe shifts—all leading up to the grand finale in December.

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Hall of Flame

Roast Report

@icespice4real

2025 WRAPPED
YOU LISTENED TO
48,201 MIN
That's enough time to watch Shrek 535 times.
SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP
🎵
GRAHS HEARD
45,900
That is more words than the Old Testament.
VOCABULARY: 1 WORD
💸
DRILL TRACKS
940
That's 47 hours of the exact same 808 beat.
WE GET IT, YOU'RE LOCAL
💔
R
MYROASTIFY.COM
#GETROASTED
Roast Report

@oliviarodrigo

2025 WRAPPED
TIMES PLAYED
4,000X
That's listening to it non-stop for 9 days.
HE'S NOT COMING BACK
💀
EXES MONETIZED
3
That's a higher ROI than Nvidia stock.
PROFITING OFF PAIN
🎵
TISSUES USED
500 BOXES
That's enough to paper maché a house.
SPONSORSHIP PENDING
💔
R
MYROASTIFY.COM
#GETROASTED
Roast Report

@zuck

2025 WRAPPED
METAVERSE HOURS
6,752 HRS
That's 77% of your entire year logged in.
HUMAN.EXE CRASHED
💀
DATA HARVESTED
50 PB
That's 10 billion mp3s stolen from users.
NICE PAJAMAS MARK
💔
REAL FRIENDS
0
That's less than a cast away volleyball.
ERROR 404: SOUL
💸
R
MYROASTIFY.COM
#GETROASTED
Roast Report

@kaicenat

2025 WRAPPED
HOURS STREAMED
4,200 HRS
That's sitting in a chair for 6 months straight.
SCREAMING ISN'T CONTENT
🎵
NOTIFICATIONS
85M+
That's 3 notifications every single second.
YOUR PHONE HATES YOU
💸
PEAK VOLUME
140 DB
That's physically louder than a chainsaw.
EARS: BLEEDING
💀
R
MYROASTIFY.COM
#GETROASTED
Roast Report

@elonmusk

2025 WRAPPED
YOU SPENT
-$44B
You could have bought 22 billion McDoubles.
COULD'VE CURED HUNGER
💸
KIDS NAMED X
12
That's a full soccer team plus a sub.
STOP REPRODUCING
💔
DIET COKES
4,380 CANS
That is 1,500 liters of aspartame.
KIDNEY FAILURE SPEEDRUN
💀
R
MYROASTIFY.COM
#GETROASTED
Roast Report

@taylorswift

2025 WRAPPED
DISTANCE FLOWN
400k KM
That's circling the Earth 10 times.
EATING THE ATMOSPHERE
💔
PRIVATE JETS
170 FLIGHTS
That's a flight every 2 days.
TRY WALKING ONCE
🎵
CO2 TONS
8,300 TONS
That's what 1,200 cars emit in a year.
CLIMATE CRIMINAL
💸
R
MYROASTIFY.COM
#GETROASTED

The Roast Loop

Why wait for December? Get mini-roasts all year long, then the grand finale.

Monthly Mini-Roast

Upload stats anytime. At the end of every month, get a 3-slide 'check-in' roast to keep you humble.

Continuous Shame

We track your habits over time. Did you actually stop ordering UberEats? Probably not.

The Year Wrapped

On Dec 20th, unlock the ultimate 8-slide presentation aggregating your entire year of bad decisions.

What we analyze

Bad Taste

🎵
Analysis
Top 0.01% of listeners

You listened to 'Glee Cast' 4,000 times. We are not angry, just disappointed.

Screen Time

📱
Digital Decay
Daily Average: 9h 42m

You spent 3 years of your life on TikTok this month. Your plants are dying.

Financial Ruin

💸
Net Worth
-$12.42

Spent $400 on 'DoorDash' but forgot to pay rent. Prioritization king.

Red Flag

🚩
Dating Life
Self-Respect: 0/100

You texted your ex at 2:03 AM. Twice. The data doesn't lie.

The Vibe

🤡
Personality
Originality: None

Your entire personality is just quoting 'The Office' and drinking iced coffee.

Sleep Debt

💤
Health Status
Critical Condition

You averaged 4 hours of sleep. You are powered by anxiety and Red Bull.

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